Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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