Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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