Need sex. Gaining weight.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
