Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
