dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
