i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Houston, we have a squirter
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize