So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
