waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
