You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
