Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
