That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
another moral hangover. fuck.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
