i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
