i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
