Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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