didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
