just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
