you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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