you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
