i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
