Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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