Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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