He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
