youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
