Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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