ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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