i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
