...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
