You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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