I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
50% drunk capacity currently
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
