you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
