just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
