yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
