She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Randomize
