He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
