That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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