Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
