I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
