Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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