oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
