I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
