just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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