...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
