Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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