Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
