So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Too much gin, very little bucket
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
