it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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