very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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