its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
