I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
