I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
