How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
