The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Shame - the story of my life.
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