I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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