i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
