so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
