After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
