I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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