Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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