i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
not ubering you a puppy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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