I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
