Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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