I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
