Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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