sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
