Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
