What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
two words...techno handjob
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
