I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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