i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
