You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
