just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
