He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
