You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
