Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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