the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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