I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
